JOKE LANG PO....

JOKE LANG PO NA MAY JOKE AKONG LINAGAY O PINOST DITO...

REMEMBER:
U r worth not 4 wat u hav, Not even 4 hu u r
But 4 wat others hve become bcoz of u...
Most of them became HORNY, ive heard...

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday.
Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since
he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

A man go for blood test.nurse took his finger blood sample but cant find cotton.So
she sucks his finger! He is so happy n he asks:"Can i get a urine test also?"

A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz
every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!

Jack & Jill went up da hill 2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now
they have a son.

Mary had a little lamb & tied it to a pylon a 1000 volts shot up its ass & turned
it into nylon

Mary Mary quite contrairy how does your garden grow? Listen you prat i live in a
flat so how the damn do i know.

Mirror Mirror on the wall.Whos the fairest of them all?The mirror laughed & den it
spat- It sure aint u.u ungly prat!

hahahaha zorlac ang dami jokes ah, hehehe

From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue
feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm…………..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!!

Para sa mga tanong nyo...eto na ang ilang
kasagutan...


Tama ka sa iyong paglapit sa akin ukol sa iyong
mga katanungan....datapwat hindi ako nakakasiguro salahat ng aking
sagot, susubukan kong bigyang liwanag ang lahat ng iyong katanungan...
Ang aking kaibigan ay mayroon lang mga ilang
katanungan na matagal nang bumabagabag sa kanyang araw-araw na
pamumuhay. Maaaring ang iba rito ay alam na rin ito ngunit walang
makapagbigay ng akmang kasagutan o pagpapaliwanag. Ito ay ang mga
sumusunod:

1. Ang squidballs ba ay bayag ng pusit?

Ang squidballs ay hindi bayag ng pusit ngunit bayag ni Tiya Pusit.
2. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break?

Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong
lagyan ng asukal at kopimeyt. Kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas. (milk in
my cereal, kopimeyt in my pepsi. sounds good to me!)
3. Pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na?

Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag gabi kung ang iyong pakikinggan ay f.m.

4. Ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy?

Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may
sunog. Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila'y makatakas o ang tinatawag na
"fire escape".

5. Ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din?

Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi
rin inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalaguatan ng hininga, siguro
ang uod kapag namatay ay tinatao.

6. Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na chicken joy?

Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jollibee ay masaya kung kaya't sila'y
tinawag na chicken joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa jolibee patayin
ang manok upang maging ito ay maging masaya...ang mga manok ay nagiging
masaya kapag sila ay may kasama sa buhay. Kapag ito ay nag-iisa lamang,
ito ay hindi chicken joy kundi...mcchicken singles. (Ang pinakamasayang
manok sa lahat ay iyong 6 pc. chicken mcnuggets o tinatawag na "orgy"
sa inggles)

7. Mayroon bang kahit isang langgam na mahilig sa maalat?

Alam na ba ninyo iyong patawa na "itlog maalat"? Nakagat ako minsan ng langgam.......

8. Kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day
, 7 days a week , at 365 days a year. Bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila?
Bakit? Bakit?

Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanungan
bilang 2 hinggil sa maaaring inumin kapag coffe break) din naman ang
mga nagtatrabaho sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap
year.

9. Bakit di mataas ang highway?

Dahil kung mataas ang highway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

10. Ba't alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover?

Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat
hindi tayo tumutingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng
dayuhang salita na flyover sa katutubong wika ay "fly"-lipad, "over"-sa
ibabaw. Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa
flyover ngunit sa ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman
kapag ikaw ay nasa flyover ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng
iyong sasakyan. Alam kong wala sa inyong mayroong sasakyan na Miata,
Boxster, Kompressor, Z3, Z8 at kung ano-ano pang kotseng pangmayaman
kaya't huwag na kayong magpumilit mamilosopo...ako lang ang may
karapatan. Kung idadahilan niyo naman na mayroon kayong sunroof,
hanapin ninyo ang inyong tinatawag na "sense of humor". Namamatay ng
maaga ang palaging seryoso.

Sana ay nasagot ko ang iyong mga tanong at kung
mayroon pang ibang bagay na bumabagabag sa iyong isipan huwag kang
mag-alinlangang magpadala sa akin ng e-mail.

At lagi rin natin sana tandaan ang dayuhang salawikain na "ask a dumb question and you'll get a dumb answer."

maraming salamat

Pinoy Signs and Ads



Sign sa harap ng isang botique sa Quirino hi-way:
NO PARKING FOR CUSTOMERS, ONLY. (hindi raw pwedeng mag-park ang mga customers!)


Ad sa isang local newspaper sa Baguio:
HOUSE FOR RENT: 2 Bedrooms WITH BEDS


Sign sa isang tindahan along Rizal Ave.:
WE BUY GIFT CHECKS AND ALL KINDS


Common Qualification sa mga Help Wanted Ads sa mga dyaryo natin:
QUALIFICATIONS:
COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED BUT NOT REQUIRED


Vandalism sa bus:
BOY AND MARCY...... THAT'S ARE FRIENDS!


Sign sa Novaliches:
"EDUCATION IS NOTHING WITHOUT MEANING"
(ano daw?)


Creative Filipino Business names:
MASTERVISION (video rental shop)
PETAL ATTRACTION (flower shop)
INTERNATIONAL FUNERAL HOMES (kailangan kaya ng visa dito?)
LUNAS SIKMURA (a last-resort restaurant)
STD (if it's car parts, hardware, or disease, we're not sure)
Le Cheng Tea House (Was the owner in a bad mood when it was named?)
DETH'S Eatery (eat and you die!)

A filipino guy gets stopped by immigration at the airport. Immigration
tells him "Use the words 'chicken not bread' in a sentence." The
filipino looks around, puts a bag over a woman's head and yells, "Chee
kennot bred! Chee kennot bred!" (accent of 'she cannot breathe)

There was a Filipino kindergarten teacher teaching her class how to do
the hokey-pokey. She started off, "You put you right feet in, you put
your right feet out, you put your right feet in..." Suddenly, one of the
children said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot'." So the teacher said,
"You 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out..."

Long distance


May bagong salta sa America na gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas.

Pinindot niya ang '0' para sa Operator.

Operator: AT&T. How may I help you?

Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.

Operator: Name of the party you're calling?

Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?

Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?

Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.

Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.

Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?

Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.

Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio
Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali. Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L
as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io and
o as in o.

Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.

Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport, B as in Because, A
as in Airport agen, N as in... Enemy, Q as in... Cuba, U as in...
Europe, E as in...Important and L as in... Elephant.
Operator: A-che-che!!!

Help Wanted


Matagal nang naghahanap ng trabaho yung bagong saltang Pinoy.
Nakakita siya ng posibilidad sa "Help Wanted" section ng Classified
Ads. "Wanted - Painter of Porch". Aba!, sabi nung Pinoy sa sarili... OK
ito! Sa Pilipinas, e marami na akong pininta; yung libingan ng lolo ko,
yung pader ng lumang bahay namin, yung kulungan ng mga baboy ng tiyo ko
- pwede palagay ko ako rito!

In-explain nung Kano na nangangailangan ng pintor: "I need to have my
porch painted, all in one day. The work involves scraping all the paint
up to the bare surface, applying a coat of primer and two final coats
of orange paint. Can you do this?"

Sagot nung Pinoy nung ininterbyu siya ng Kano... "Sir, yes sir. I can kaskas... I mean, remoob paint en apply paint beri well."
"Okay!", sabi nung Kano. "You've got the job! Everything you'll need has been unloaded from the trunk of the car."
Tatlong oras pa lang, narinig na nung Kano na kumakatok yung Pinoy sa pinto niya. "Sir... Pinis oreydi".

"Wow!" sabi nung Kano. "You finished the job in three hours. Are you sure you scraped the old paint to the bare surface?"

"Sir, yes sir. I tanggalated all the old paint." sagot nung Pinoy.
"Then, you deserve a bonus! Here's another 20 bucks." sabi nung Kano.
"Sir, tenkyu sir." wika nung Pinoy. "Pero sir, you don't heb a porch...your car is a BMW..."

Hooray for PAL



Passengers on a Philippine Airlines flight heard this announcement from the captain, Capt. Juan Procopio:

"Mga kababayan, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement:

"Mga kababayan, we at Philippine Airlines have prepared for such an
emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that
all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the
swimmers are on the right side of the plane"

As commented by one of the passengers:

"Galing, that's what i like about PAL, always has some contingency measures of some sort!, I hope they help me out
coz' i definitely don't know how to swim."

After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to
comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a
belly landing in the ocean.

The captain once again made an announcement:

"Mga kababayan we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on
the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim
away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of
plane
---THANK YOU FOR FLYING PHILIPPINE AIRLINES- "

NGWEK!

maululawak ti kina ado nan....

wow teletubies

napakyaw daytoy nga section ah!!